I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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