Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
