its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
