How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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