He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
