his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
