We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
