I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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