Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
