yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
