Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
