I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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