Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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