The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize