This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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