oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
