i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
