Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did i walk over a car last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
