What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize