i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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