I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am available for nakedness
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
