Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
