allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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