He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
