There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
