My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
