oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wish my penis had a tongue
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
