Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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