and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize