some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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