My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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