Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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