I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
