is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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