Just mADE A PArabola og urine
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm just crazy horny about you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize