Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
