just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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