We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize