I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
