i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
