oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
