my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
