dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Found the puke drawer
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
