hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
