I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
