is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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