yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
