I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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