how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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