Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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