last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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