I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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