i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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