I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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