So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
