okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize