She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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