oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
