Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
