I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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