There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
