I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize