The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
