you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
