Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
