I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
