It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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