she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
