return my video game
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
