Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
