Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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