Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
