just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
