I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
