Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
