All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
false alarm, still single
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize