The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
