Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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