I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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