yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
