just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
