Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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