You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
