Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
there is glitter all over my balls
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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