FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
