i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
