I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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