Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How does one acquire holy water?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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