My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
BRING THE BAGELS
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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