What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
