matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
