this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
