I hope mine doesn't look like that
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
