so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize