She is in my trunk
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
