omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
