Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize