you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
